Angels and Airwaves and Assholes

Back back BACK!!!

We're back folks, and you know what that means, complete up to date news and information hand fed to you in the easiest way possible; I mean how many morons does it take to read a newspaper?

So, it's been a couple of months, and I know a lot of you are sour about me being gone for so long, but chin up iJimmy lovers, things will soon be back to normal once more.

Let's start with Canada's blundering economy and their shit head ways of completely fucking up the entire system. Starting with mothers; oh yes those friendly women who spit you out and brought you up.
Why, WHY, and why again are we giving out free money to women who pop out a couple of children over a few years and decide that because their ass is so fat they can't get out of their chairs that they shouldn't have to work anymore?
We're basically shoveling hordes of cash into a bottomless pit of greed, laziness and just a lack of any type of human emotion. I know many, many mothers who struggle to make it with two jobs and 4 kids and what do they get? Zilcho...but momma open legs, who can't remember to make her current boyfriend wear a condom, lays around all day after getting knocked up and gets handed cash flow after cash flow. Up to 1000 dollars a month after all the checks they receive.
1000 dollars a month; I'm lucky if I make that much in my full time job.
Why is our government just throwing money at this problem? Laziness seems to go beyond the women who just don't want to get a job.
And you know what, I can already hear many of you saying, 'Oh this is bullshit, I can't get a job or I have too many kids where am I supposed to take them?'
Don't feed me your horseshit ladies, I've lived life and I'm not fool. I know many women who work, sometimes without knowing who is going to be taking care of their kids a couple of hours before their shift. And they ALWAYS make it.
And as for not being able to get a job, it couldn't be any easier in our workforce today, so many people are leaving their jobs to go back to school or jump to a better job, many call centers and fast food restaurants are BEGGING for employees daily.

This brings me to another point, lazy cunts who don't get a job at all and still get paid by unemployment. Oh yes, unemployment boasts that they are able to find new jobs for all of their welfare laden customers.
Let's take another look at this from a realm I like to call 'realism'. Unemployment says to a select individual, 'We want you to at least try to find a job and get an interview or we'll cut your assistance.'
Okay easy enough, Joe Lazy goes and gets an interview at some fast food joint, they hire him and weeks later he never shows.
Unemployment calls back and says 'Hey, we are so glad to hear that you hired so and so, and the employer explains that he/she were hired and then never showed for work.'
Unemployment's response, 'Oh, that seems to happen a lot.'
No word of a lie bloggers, this is from the horses mouth, how they have responded before. And does Joe Lazy get cut from assistance? Not a chance, he continues to play this cat and mouse game, endlessly sucking from Canada's teat.
And what do you and I do? We get deducted from our pay checks so that these fuckers can continue to suck. We work our asses off at job's we may not care for, and see sometimes more than a 100 dollars a pay check gone; gone! Where is the intelligence in our government? Why is this STILL happening, I mean wouldn't someone have picked up on this by now?
And if we refuse to pay this, WE get arrested for tax evasion or fraud. Fraud is when you claim that you can't find a job and get paid to sit on your fucking lazy ass and drink beers that I basically paid for!

Now you know what, I'm going to stop and make some comments here meant for the people I know and don't know that TRULY need this assistance. There ARE REAL people out there who need this great system. Maybe they're too injured to work, or they are too laden with kids or family to get out and find a job. To you people I say, good luck and keep your heads high; you truly are heroes and you will find rewards in the smallest things in life.
The ones who abuse this system know who they are, and they are usually the ones that would get angry about me saying this anyways.
Defensiveness signifies something to hide.

But hey everyone loves free money, that's why we have the lottery; better known as the Canadian Social Services.

Well that's enough from me to piss you all off today. Keep in touch, you know I love your comments, both good and bad. And remember: iJimmy is iLove. As much as iLove to bash our government and all of you iJimmy still cares about you all.

Keep in tune though, I will be running a benefit in the months to come for our fair city to get kids off the streets and into a community centre, paid for by the community and run by volunteers.

Keep on keeping on and don't shake it more than three times,

iJimmy

If I Sneeze and Blood Comes Out, Is That Bad?

Hey sickies, and welcome once again to the Sunday rendition of iJimmy. I call you all sickies because I know you're all coughing up as much phlegm as I am right now. Maybe enough to make your own leaning tower of phlegm. So I know you'll all appreciate the fact that I might be off the ball today and not as wildly hilarious or pretentious as I usually am. Also this edition might be shorter just because I can't sit up straight for more than 5 minutes without feeling like my head might blow up.
I'd like to start off by announcing the possible addition of another writer to this blog. A well reformed and very politically correct girl, Trudy has been a beloved friend and colleague for many years. If there was ever a yin to my wrathful and self involved yang than Trudy would be that, wrathful that she is as well. And if ever I trusted anyone's opinion more it would not be with anyone but her. I'd like to introduce Trudy and the Antagonists Angle. Right now we're in the developing stages of this project. It could either take off or plummet, but the point is you folks are growing hungry for more. I can sense it, I'm hungry too. And I think that to become a successful blogger, we need to expand. Not just our horizons but also our goals, our minds, and our souls. Someone made a comment that was very relevant to this blog. This is the start of an anarchist movement, but not in the sense that Anarchy is. This is a controlled environment where thoughts can be spoken and feelings let out with no repercussions, no revolt, no backlash. Just pure unadulterated opinion. I want you all to have a voice, and that voice right now will be through Trudy. She will question my thoughts, and my words. And I will answer. Eventually I'd like to reach a point where we can have a blogger for everyday of the week. Each with their own specialized points of views. Trudy will become Monday if this works out. And then we'll need a Tuesday, a Wednesday and so forth.
I'm not looking for fame guys. I'm just looking for my piece of heaven, my place in the sky. Its owed to me and its owed to all of you as well. Don't let the world get you down because if you do you'll be letting all of those people who are behind it win. And nobody wants to be a loser, no one wants to hang their head in the shame of defeat. We all want to be winners, and we all want to feel victorious.
Also don't get used to this because I'll probably never be this sentimental again to all you fuckers. Although sometimes you don't feel it, I do love all my readers, because you're my fans and you make me want to write more. And I want to give you more, hence Trudy. I want to give you all the world in an easy paragraph every Sunday. Although I guess we all really know life isn't that simple...but we could just call this coles notes on life and call it a day.

Trudy we look forward to your piece in this,
iJimmy

PS - I never do a PS but that was so wonderfully sentimental I couldn't jade it with this. I'd like to make a clear and present point to everyone about this msn charging us to use messenger bullshit. Basically so that A) I'll stop continually getting these fucking viral messages about msn shutting down and B) you all understand EXACTLY what is happening. First of all I'd like you all to look at this site http://news.bbc.co.uk:80/1/hi/business/1189119.stm. Now I'm sure you've gotten it before in one of those forwards that you got, blah blah blah, your msn will shut down if you don't forward this. I'd like to make one simple and very easy to see fact clear. There is no fucking Tara and John. First of all why the fuck would there be two people running msn and secondly the position of 'Director of MSN' is a completely false and if it did exist useless position. Now moving on, if you are able to read and you can read the goddam site clearly, you will see that they state IN WRITING that they will NOT be charging for e-mail. That also means they will NOT be charging for the use of Messenger. They are going to be charging for specific add-ons, spam control, wonderful additions to your messenger and MSN site. Microsoft is a multi-zillion dollar company. Do you really think that running a few servers for free is putting a dent in their otherwise enormous empire? Finally, anyone who is forwarding this e-mail is a complete moron, because if they were charging for Messenger, why in God's green name, would they give it free to someone who forwarded their e-mail saying they were charging for it. It doesn't even mention that fact, the two stories don't align at all. The e-mail states that they are shutting down 'supposedly' inactive accounts, and the website talks about charging for the MSN site and add-ons. Put two and two together people because I have to believe that you're not THAT fucking stupid, and stop feeding the fire by forwarding these moronic e-mails around that were obviously created by a 15 year old. Because theres one FINAL point in all of this. If it truly was sent from msn why the hell would they write it in enormous bold formats with pretty colours. Its called a company format, and when you send out a professional e-mail it has to look professional. Now please stop forwarding it to me or I will come to each of your individual homes and forcibly insert your computer into your anus.

Slap-A-Bitch!

Bloggers, I just want to take the time to show some appreciation for your support. Without you I wouldn't want to write, even the antagonists. But especially all you that have hard-ons for more of iJimmy. So thank you again, and don't forget you don't need to have an account to comment on this blog. Just click the anonymous selection and you will be logged as an anonymous poster, but I appreciate everyone who took the time to set up an account and keep loving me because without you, well, I'd have to let dogs hump my leg to feel the love :(.

iJimmy Love

Do YOU know how fast I was going Officer?

You know what iJimmy fans today I am pissed off. Really pissed off and would you like to know why? Because there are a number of pretentious ass clowns out there who think that just because they can string a set of syllables together that they are world famous writers. If the people who are reading this realize I am talking about them, than good, now you know that you’re a jackass. Writing takes soul, and it takes a piece of you that has been festering inside your mind for a long time. I shake my head when I see people, and girls you are opted from this it’s mostly guys, bragging to everyone about how they have this story stuck in their mind and how they just need to write all night to get it out. I know these people, I wouldn’t be making these brazen statements if I didn’t, and I know that they are not writers.

Don’t get me wrong sports fans, I do believe that anyone has the ability to write, but when you’re going to be completely self involved about it and brag to everyone what an excellent writer you are than you put the rest of us real-time hard working writers to shame. And for shame, because someone needs to smack you up the side of the head and maybe get that part of the brain working that says, hey, you’re being an asshole right now.

Of course that side of the brain never works for me, but I’m not going to tell you all that I’m an excellent writer. My craft has been long worked on, since I was in grade 1 writing stories about ducks and using those squiggle lines in places where I didn’t know how to spell the word (I won’t lie, it was mostly made up of lines). But I think after many years of writing and throwing away and writing again I have somewhat come up to a level of writing that is acceptable and entertaining.

You don’t puke on a canvas and call yourself an artist, so don’t shit on paper and call yourself a writer.

So anyways now that I got that out, moving on.

Police brutality. The word has been around for ever, but just recently are we starting to recognize it as a serious issue facing us more and more everyday. Most recently and well known are serious taser issues, cases in which tasers were used unnecessarily. Vancouver seems to be facing some serious issues in which cases a taser needs to be used. Apparently judgment no longer has a place in when to use excessive force. Hey if somebody is causing a ruckus just pull out the old taser and shock them, literally to death.

Let’s take a look at the REAL issue here. It’s becoming a power struggle. I don’t speak for all cops when I say this but I think a lot of the time they believe they are untouchable, even become power hungry. And its us against them, no longer do any of us feel comforted by the presence of an officer, really how many of you have been questioned as just a witness and felt like you were on trial yourself? How often are you involved in something where the police were involved to protect you but you felt like you were the one who they were after. There’s no respect anymore, its like no one cares, I even have it on good authority from persons I’ve talked to within the establishments that sometimes they even steal from each other. Petty things like handling gloves or glasses or things like that but it’s still stealing. And I don’t know how comfortable I feel with a even a small time thief walking around holding tasers and guns. I’ve had numerous run ins with cops not because of my actions but because I was a witness or I got into an accident due to weather conditions and they were VERY imposing. Very pushy. Like I was wasting their time, like my condition that I got into, has wasted everyone else’s time and I’m not the victim. I’d like to see a lot more respect from the some of these officers and how about all of you? Maybe even a few of you are officers yourselves that feel the pressures of other officers not upholding the law or just not doing their jobs. It’s your right to speak out people, and it’s your right to say when this should stop...which is now. Police officers are just people like you and me they have no special protection from the law if they do something wrong they get charged along with the rest of us. And that’s the way it should be.

Keep love alive, and stop oppression with power and weapons. Let’s not let them scare us anymore. Because they’re here for our safety not to rule over us, and the next time you see a cop speeding take down his license and call it in, because they need to follow the laws just as much as we do.

iJimmy will be back next Sunday,

Until then be good to yourself and each other.

Abortion Smasmortion!

Welcome and Hello, all you wonderful basement dwellers. iJimmy is back and hardcore as ever. We will be back to our regularly scheduled Sunday podcast this Sunday February 3^rd. So sit back, relax, get naked, and enjoy this special edition of iJimmy.

First off I’d like to get started bitching about a group that I saw on facebook. Abortion should NOT be abolished. That’s right....NOT. Now if you’re a red blooded Canadian like me you’re all for spreading your seed. And if you’re American fuck off...just joking, but I still could care less. I really wasn’t joking.

Anyways first off I’ll clear up the misconception (pun definitely intended) about this abolition of abortion. First of all quit your damn bitching, all you women who are worried about abortion becoming illegal, its not going to be anytime soon. Rights are rights and you still have yours, your bra burning feminist ancestors guaranteed that back in the 60’s, so lets move on. The problem is that women can still have an abortion 9 MONTHS into the pregnancy. 9 MONTHS!!!

Now I’d like to introduce a new member of my team, Dr. Douchebag. Now according to Dr. Douchebag the fetus is nearly fully developed by the 9 month period. That means they have eyes ears a mouth and a hunger for breast milk. And we are still killing them. So what the government is wanting to do is just pull this number back to about 3 months. Now before you get your oversized thongs in a twist, prego women, let’s just think about this. By 9 months if you haven’t decided if you want to have an abortion yet you might as well fucking have the kid and give it up for adoption. I mean you’re not saving yourself any grief by that time, you’re fat, you’re fat and oh yeah you’re fat. So everyone is going to know and you’re going to have stretch marks. Incidentally if you are having an abortion because you’re worried about stretch marks you should die a horrible death. Of course we live in a moronic society and although democracy is a good thing it really would only work if 75% of the country wasn’t made up of people who use terms like ‘oh yeah’ and ‘c’mere a minute’. So when the issue is brought to vote, it of course is shot down. No one seems to understand that this is trying to help us. Population growth is a GOOD THING. Abortion BAD. Can you say that boys and girls? Population Growth GOOD, Abortion BAD. Good you get a cookie, or one of these special iJimmy brownies, that’s full of stem cells.

Anyways I think this is a good step forward, and not as bold as you all are making it out to be. I’m not for abortion but I’m also not against the rights of women who need it, my examples would be rape cases or women who would keep the kid and probably abuse it. But I think that we are bordering better ways to move on. Also on a side note, I’d like to just point out that all you women that are for abortion are against stem cell research. Sit back and let the irony sink in.

Now I’m going to stay on the same type of subject but to a different part of it. Recently some Canadian organizations attempted to lobby an attack against the 9 month grace period by putting ads up about it on buses. IMMEDIATELY the bus companies were bombarded by phone calls and nasty letters saying that the ads were inappropriate and unethical. Would you like to know what the ad said? So would I. Lets find out. http://thespec.com/Opinions/article/311944, read it up folks, and there is an exact picture of the ad that was on all the buses.

Now forgive me if I’m wrong but aren’t most of us AGAINST abortion. So why is it wrong to put up ads like this on our buses. I mean really I see ads about condoms, naked women selling perfume, and a number of other questionable things. Why then is it wrong to put up ads telling the exact truth about abortion. Its not like these ads are brainwashing people to hate abortion. Its just giving us a heads up...Hey Al! Yeah Bus? Abortion is allowed at 9 months! Oh thanks Bus I had no idea!

Do you get me bloggers? Maybe instead of wasting your time and especially MY precious time, complaining about BULLSHIT...(again I’d like to point out this is probably the same people that get all the funny commercials cancelled), maybe just MAYBE you can eat me, and start complaining about things that matter. Like maybe what the ad is trying to tell you, abortion at 9 months IS TOO FAR.

People question my methods, people question my lack of judgement when it comes to properly addressing these issues, but you know what I’m fighting for a just cause and I get my point across. I’m not sitting here bitching about that cola commercial that showed too much cleavage or was indicating that we should all just strip down and fuck. I don’t give a shit about that, its funny and its not real, so why can’t all you people that are bitching about it let it go and start putting your minds towards making a better world for all of us to live in.

Thats the iJimmy way, don’t you all want to live that way? I know iDo.

See you all Sunday,

iJimmy love.

Early start?

After much supply and demand from my blog consumers I have decided to start the blog off a little early to kick off the new year of iJimmy. What does that mean for all you fuckers? Well basically you're going to have something good to read rather than the same old shit like the TV guide or whatever is collecting dust on your book shelves...oh yes I know that you are all illiterate and can't carry a tune to save your life. If I don't seem as sarcastic today its because I'm tired...I'm human, it happens, deal with it.

Anyways look to the skies this Monday night. You'll have an all new blog to laugh your asses off too and then talk to your friends about and talk about me like I'm some kind of blogger God. Because I am. I call myself Blogtor.

iBlogtor out...

You said goodbye? I say Hello!

Good News bloggers and blogettes, we're on our way back and better than ever. Expect new political issues. We have the election coming up and of course our old friend the US is just making more and more stupid decisions. So come on back to me gang. I know you missed me even though I dislike many of you that read this :). We'll have more issues that contest your sexuality and possibly sanity, next sunday...see you here :)

iPromise,
iJimmy